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Thread Box:
Cyclist On The Defense
Thread started by Dropkick_bruce at 07.22.09 - 1:59 pm

Due to all the ongoing drama of cyclist getting yelled at, pieces of debris thrown at, painful name calling that hurts our soul, and countless middle finger retaliations, I would like to hear more stories on this thread. Please I encourage you to use tasteful, yet attractive words to make the story funny and a joy to read.

reply


Post your most effective defense move...To avoid getting cought by an angry motorist...



Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 2:05 pm

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CHECK YO BRAKES!



mattspeed
responding to a comment by Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 2:09 pm

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I get out of the way. Then, I keep riding on.



Joe Borfo
07.22.09 - 2:20 pm

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i pedal my little heart out...

cuz when ur getting chased by gangsters is no fun.



andres84
07.22.09 - 2:24 pm

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i yell "WHOO WHOO" & sound my brakes which sound like a diesel trunk is screaming to a stop when its me on a bike!



madmelo
07.22.09 - 2:26 pm

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I seen him!



Destroyer
responding to a comment by madmelo
07.22.09 - 2:32 pm

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I heard em!



mattspeed
responding to a comment by madmelo
07.22.09 - 2:36 pm

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New strategery...

Deploy fork and knife and threaten to eat them as "WHINEYAGGROMOTORISTBurger"!!!!
Their attitude may taste bad, but a grilled portion thigh meat on a bun will cure any appetite woes.
And if their homeboys get out of the car to try and save their devoured friend, I will squirt them all with BBQ Sauce and then eat them as "GlorifiedHOMEBOYHOMEFRIES"!!

And then I will ride home, change clothes, work out excess nutrients at the gym, then go to sleep.




bentstrider
07.22.09 - 2:50 pm

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You talking to me?






Joe Borfo
07.22.09 - 2:56 pm

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i once saw this motorist who was so frustrated with traffic that he got off the car on the freeway and walked off the shoulder. then he trashed an liquor store over the price of a soda, beat up a couple of cholos and stole their knife, narrowly avoided getting shot in a driveby, shot up a fast food restaurant, stabbed a neo-nazi army surplus store owner and then committed suicide-by-cop off the venice pier.

and i thought to myself, "it could all have been avoided if he had been riding a bike."



tortuga_veloce
07.22.09 - 2:58 pm

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I take it nobody likes my new found, cannabilism approach?



bentstrider
responding to a comment by tortuga_veloce
07.22.09 - 3:00 pm

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oh, you mean "Falling Down." Good movie.



kryxtanicole
responding to a comment by tortuga_veloce
07.22.09 - 3:09 pm

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These are words of enlightenment cyclists enjoy the road at all costs but be cautious of bittery drivers out there. If they don't respect you, threaten to eat them for breakfast or which ever meal you prefer. I like the highly concentrated pepper spray of high volume that delivers a powerful blast in a dense fog option. Just a thought. Disregard.



Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 3:22 pm

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uhhhh wait a minute... if you eat people does that mean you eat their dicks too? throw em' on a toasted bun and put some relish on them and gobble em up do ya? swallow em whole?



?
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 3:29 pm

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No, but they are reprocessed into an experimental rocket fuel for NASA's "HYPERTHRUST" engine program!!!!



bentstrider
responding to a comment by ?
07.22.09 - 3:31 pm

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And now for this buffer posting of no significance whatsoever, 10 Years kicks ass!!!







bentstrider
responding to a comment by ?
07.22.09 - 3:34 pm

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hey man if you are going to go cannibal... there's pretty much no shame in eating dicks too... serio. dont be ashamed... you should proudly gobble dicks... I bet that's the easiest parts to cook.... soft n chewy in your mouth.... imagine it bent you could put the balls on a bed of spaggetti and when your done lick the whole plate up. tasty treats!



?
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 3:37 pm

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MMmmmm....... Aha that will be the all inspired beautifully redefined beardick hotdog. You will eat as you please...That is the beauty of the B.D.H.D. In stock at 711 for 1.99 with free 8oz slurpee.....



Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 3:42 pm

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Why eat them when I get thousands in taxpayer money for not that many of them????

NASA pays big bucks for those things and I just don't like the taste of Rocky Mountain Oyster.
That's as counter-productive as burning an oil-well I uncovered in my own backyard!!!
If there's profit to be made off of reject cuts, then I'M GOING FOR THE GREENBACKS!!!!



bentstrider
responding to a comment by ?
07.22.09 - 3:44 pm

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imagine if you could eat a diet of pure dicks with all the fixins and use the other parts for this hyperthrust program you speak of. sounds kinky and and rewarding and tastey all at the same time!



?
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 3:49 pm

reply


Shit im a veggie... but im down with motorist cannibalism.... or even better we can feed the poor with some delicious... human bbq ribs, carne asada. etc etc.



exavier
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 3:50 pm

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For the last time, the genitalia are strictly harvested for the Hyperthrust program.
Think of the aggressive motorist as a whale being hunted in the 1850's.
The dicks are essentially harvested as if ain to blubber from a whale.

The only difference between myself and a New England whaling captain is that I don't toss the rest of the carcass back into the ocean!!!

Trying times call for the extreme utilization of all materials and resources.

Hell, their vehicles alone have earned me millions in ship-yard scrap operations over the past three years!!!
You ever hear of the USS Roosevelt????



bentstrider
responding to a comment by ?
07.22.09 - 3:59 pm

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This keeps up and we have a runner up for T.O.T.D.



Joe Borfo
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 4:01 pm

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Just be glad you weren't made into a bunny stew in that outlandish get-up of yours there, Marine!!!!!



bentstrider
responding to a comment by Joe Borfo
07.22.09 - 4:04 pm

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whoah man. this is getting really interesting here. so rather than harvest the dicks for eating, you have decided to harvest them for this "hyperthrust" program exclusively? I wonder if the dicks could withstand such treatment? and serio, just how much thrust is in your hyperthrust Bent? you might want to wait for rigor mortis to set in before you thrust all these dicks. and if I were gonna go cannibal, I would save at east a few of those scrumptious dicks for food and snack. all that thrusting will likely give you quite an appetite.



?
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 4:08 pm

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I dont know Bent, you probably wont get much dick from bunnies. I would stick with humans and possibly bears. some human dicks are pretty big but maybe not as big as bears.



?
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 4:10 pm

reply


They don't use them in their whole-form now.
I'm not 100% certain of the process, but it does include breaking them down into a liquefied form, cryo-freezing, then processing into electromagnetically-stimulated fuel-rods.
This isn't a steam-engine with a 500 gallon boiler and an encased, 900 degree burner on a steam-locomotive now.

As I said, I harvest them as waste product from stock and then sell them to the various government and corporate entities that have found uses for them.



bentstrider
responding to a comment by ?
07.22.09 - 4:16 pm

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Indeed...NASA's "HYPERTHRUST" engine program is a very intriguing matter is it exclusively for human and animal genitalia or all species are welcome to donation...I can see the future of the HYPERTHRUST....




Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 4:17 pm

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Well, it has been rumored to be at least 20% more efficient than the cumbersome engines currently being used on the shuttles.




bentstrider
responding to a comment by Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 4:19 pm

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There is a lot of precious fluid built up in my cotton ball.



Joe Borfo
07.22.09 - 4:21 pm

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ha ha I get this visual of you walking into city hall or some other government building with a trench coat on opening a panel and soliciting people to buy dicks like stolen watches but instead, shriveled and cured penises dangling on your coat... weurd huh?



?
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 4:26 pm

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Oh yeah... Also, the picture above proves that Jesus H. Christ gave me Bunny Ears in West Ho.



Joe Borfo
07.22.09 - 4:27 pm

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I prefer an old, 53' foot refridgerated trailer with light-up displays.

We got to keep those things on ice you know.
I once had this underling named Lorena that used to work for me, but I had her liquidated after she fumbled a simple operation.

Last time I solicit assistance from the methadone clinics!!!



bentstrider
responding to a comment by ?
07.22.09 - 4:35 pm

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I knew it..Jesus lurks in the shadows of 711 reading magazines and drinking(slurping) Slurpeeeeeez..



Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 4:36 pm

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In NASA's "HYPERTHRUST" engine program do they prefer naturally grown genitalia that has been out and about or will they settle for genitalia that has been cloned...If so is this cloned genitalia weaker than it's predecessor...




Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 4:41 pm

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I believe the proper mixture is 70/30, 70% naturally-produced, 30% cloned when being processed into cryonically-frozen fuel-rods.
The naturally-occuring ones contain more of that rare tissue that will actually break down into a form of compacted hydrogen when stricken with an EM-charge.



bentstrider
responding to a comment by Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 4:47 pm

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Will this become a natural source of power in the future...Will this be the end of solar panels...How will this affect women worldwide....Will there be a scarcity of human genitalia....



Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 4:55 pm

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Bent you keep a trailer full of dicks? On ice?



?
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 4:57 pm

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Do not be alarmed, for this is only a trial form of human capital punishment and waste reduction.
As far as solar panels, they will still be needed and utilized as a form of redundant power-supply.
We've already made the mistake of ditching a proven technology in favor of a glamour show in the past, we shall not make that same mistake again.





bentstrider
responding to a comment by Dropkick_bruce
07.22.09 - 4:59 pm

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Not ice, liquid nitrogen blocks.

And I never touch them, I have special technicians employed for handling.



bentstrider
responding to a comment by ?
07.22.09 - 5:01 pm

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WHat if the market collapses and you have all that stockpile of dick on your plate? Worse yet, what if the supply of dick becomes so scarce that you no longer cam get dick?! Whoah.



?
responding to a comment by bentstrider
07.22.09 - 5:15 pm

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I have all my bases covered and I will reiterate that this is merely an experimental, trial program.
Let's not jump ahead of ourselves here.



bentstrider
responding to a comment by ?
07.22.09 - 5:20 pm

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Okay, who are you "?" ?

Have I seen you at one of the few rides I've done within this year?
Or, are you another shadow from my past that has been fully aware of my schemes?



bentstrider
07.22.09 - 8:55 pm

reply

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